Poro poro, maa, goyna poro.

The following observations are to be made about a wedding in my family:

1. Everyone gets really angry.
2. Everyone quarrels.
3. Everyone drinks too much.
4. Everyone cracks weird jokes.
5. Everyone tries to dress up too much for their own fucking good.
6. Everyone falls sick.
7. No one gets any sleep.
8. The bride, her mother, her aunts and her sisters have nervous breakdowns at some point or the other.

The especially dangerous bits can be classified as:

1. Tatyo-gochhano: Chaos. This entails several people stuck together in a couple of rooms, which resemble a warehouse, for at least a day and a night. Two-three people work, the rest quarrel, drink, make pointless suggestions, talk all at once, laugh, cry, and generally make a mess. One person sleeps through it. One child shreds styrofoam relentlessly and with gusto.

2. The women of the family putting on heavy/sharp/pointy/otherwise uncomfortable jewellery: These sometimes resemble Vedic weapons of war, the kind described in the epics. If you have something weighing down or tearing apart your earlobes/sticking into sensitive parts of your neck/scalp, you grow red in the face, lose your temper, and shout at everyone in your line of vision in an incoherent manner. Imagine several women of varying age groups doing this at once.

3. Partying/nights-out with out-of-town uncles and aunties: They get drunk, they get you drunk, they sing on a hotel terrace on the Ganges and you fucking join them, they find out you smoke, they offer you a cigarette, they tell you not to smoke, they tell you to drink instead, they can't really dance that well anymore, but they take you to Tantra and dance like their lives depend on it, they keep trying to pull you onto the floor, and you stand by the bar sipping rum and smiling and discover that, for the first time in your life, you don't feel like dancing to the most insane, foot-tapping, obscene shit in town.
You miss your cousin, because if he was there too, you could have actually done your moves without feeling like an absolute jackass.

4. Make-up: The less said, the better.

5. Shojyatuluni and traditional shaali fun: A word of advice: If you're stupid and high enough to forget to extort money at the right time, don't try later.

Okay, I'm too tired to say much more, so I'll end with the four states of the family home during and immediately after a wedding.

1. Fish market.
2. Mental asylum.
3. Hospital.
4. Battlefield strewn with the wounded.